Draco Malfoy and the Strangest Day
by ppieaui
Summary: PART 9 UP! :D (written similar to the worship-able Junie B Jones series) after eating something in the forest, draco gets transformed into a four year-old, but alas, he has no memory of harry or anything else. what happes? read and find out!
1. In the forest

****

Draco Malfoy and the Strangest Day

My name is Draco Malfoy.

It is a nice name. 

I like it because it goes up and down and is fun on your tongue. See!

I am almost five, practically, just 127 days more of being stupid little four.

I live in the big white house in Drier Carp.

But don't let that name fool you; it rains just as much as there it does in SoakingWetLand!

I like my house in Drier Carp, except it is very serene.

__

'Serene' means very humdrum.

And _'humdrum'_ means that I have to be calm and quiet and stay up in my room until all the guests leave, and no but's young man!

And also, I have the very strict bedtime of six o'clock, and no, it never changes, young man!

__

'Strict' means father has stuck his nose in something and that makes it no fun at all, practically. I don't think that father likes it when people have fun, not even himself, because he's always wearing this crabby face. 

When father wears crabby face, that most probably means that it is time to go to bed.

I do not like going to bed, but I do being asleep. But when I go to sleep, and cannot get up!

Not even when I get poked.

It is a Catching 22.

'Cept, I wake up when someone pours a cup of water on my head.

That's never happened though, 'cept once.

Only, guess what! That reminds me about the strangest day!

A while ago, I woke up and made a discovery! I was sleeping on something, and it was named very hard ground! It was really unusual, because all I remembered was falling asleep on a soft bed.

And also, I was wearing nothing small enough for me, just almost-adult clothes! That were very big and floppy and weird.

And also, there was a really big lump laying next to me.

And that lump was named, somebody sleeping!

He had messy black hair. And that's all.

I was super-quiet and looked around, because lumps and hard ground is not all that fun to look at, actually.

So I peeked everywhere, and saw a _ka-jillion_ trees and grass and it was very cold well. 

And then I also saw some clues. And they were named, rocks in a circle, and also, some burned things inside of that. So I guess I was too late for the fire!

And then I was confused, because this is a strange situation to wake up in, that's why!

But then I realized something!

And it was called I was in the forest! With a fire!

So I was _camping_!

I started to be loud happy and excited, but then remembered the lump that was sleeping, so I kept it all trapped in happy and excited, which is a lot more tiring, I'll tell you.

But I don't know why I was happy, because I went camping before, and it was not enjoyable much. Cause it was stinky and the food was cold and bad (and mother got really sick in the trees) and I got lost five times. 

That's right! Every single one of your fingers. 

Even the thumb.

Anyway, on this strangest day, I wriggled my hands out of my floppy big-kid shirt and started to stand up, because sitting and looking is not actually all that fun either.

Just then, that lump started moving. And also, making noises that sounded like "Ugh."

He made a lot more "ugh-ing" sounds, and then that guy finally rolled over.

And then he opened his eyes.

He looked at me, and his eyes were all blurried and sleepy. And I looked at him. And he blinked.

And I think he was very flabbergasted.

He reached away from me and put on a pair of very clunky and black glasses on his face. They looked kind of silly, I thought, but I didn't say anything about that.

And so I couldn't think of anything to say.

And then, he blinked again. 

And it was awkward.

__

'Awkward' means that no one knows what to say because I've just said something very strange. Mother has explained this to me lots of times. More then necessary, I think.

I figured that we could get to know each other, so that I could know where I was, and also, who he was. And also, why I was there.

I remembered to be nice and polite, so I asked, "Who are you?" I was full of courteous.

__

'Courteous' means letting that stupid Pansy have the last piece of biscuit.

"I'm Harry." New Harry said this very nervous. So I thought I should be very nervous, too!

"I'm Draco." I said very depressing, because when you're nervous you're depressing, of course! "Where are we? Are we camping? 'Cause I went camping and it was not all that fun, I tell you, so we should stop right now. If we're camping. Are we camping?"

Then a very silly thing happened, because New Harry's mouth started moving and no sound came out! I almost laughed, but then remembered it was all very nervous.

I guess he finally got his voice to work, because then he said, "We got lost."

I put my hands on my hips, and I was quite disappointed in myself. "Again? That's six times! I need to carry around a map, I think."

"Yeah, that would probably help." New Harry said. "Draco, how old are you?"

"Almost five!" I said happy, because I like telling people that. Because then people say, 'Why you're getting bigger all the time!' But New Harry didn't say that. And I also showed him my hand so he could see how many fingers that was. And then I put my hand back in my lap. And then the sleeve fell over it. "How old are you?"

His eyebrows moved higher on his head. "I'm 16. And so are you, or you were; what happened?"

"I think you are a tad mixed up. Because that's, like, a _ka-jillion_ birthdays that I would've missed!" I said, "Maybe you know another Draco! _I'm_ Draco _Malfoy_."

But that guy wasn't listening! "It must've been those mushrooms." I think he was burbling.

"Mushrooms? Did you have mushrooms? Are they still here? Can I have some?"

"No! No, we have to get back to Hogwarts!" New Harry said, very jumpy, lifting right to his feet.

"_I KNOW THAT PLACE!_" I said, very excited. I wanted to stand up too. But I didn't. Because then I'd be naked. "That's where father works! And also, where Mr. Severus and also, where lots of Mudbloods like to be! Why are we going to there? Do you go there? What did they have for lunch? We had a spaghetti. But I'm not sure if was really that stuff. I ate it anyway, though."

New Harry did not look jumpy anymore, he looked huffy instead. So I frowned. Because that's what you do when someone's huffy at you of course!

"You do know that you're not supposed to say that, right?" He asked. He was still huffy.

"Say what?" I asked, very curious.

"Mudblood. It's rude."

I looked at him very suspicious. "Are _you_ a Mudblood?"

"Stop saying that!"

I don't think I like this New Harry all that much, actually.

"Okay." I rolled my eyes, then pushed my voice down super quiet. "Are you a Mudblood?"

"You still said it! You just said it quieter!"

"This conversation is leading to a brick wall, I think." I said full of reasonable.

He shook his head, and grabbed my arm very tight. And that was kind of uncalled for, I'd say. "We need to get to Hogwarts."

"No," I said.

"Come on!" He tugged on my arm, but I was staying very stiff, and so he couldn't move me at all.

"_No!_"

"What? You want to stay like this?" New Harry looked ruffled _and_ huffy I'd say.

"No! I want some pants!" And then I pulled my arm back, thank you very much.

And then he made that same "Ugh" sound from when he was waking up. And then guess what? He pulled something very good out of his pocket! And it was named his wand!

And I got excited.

Because magic is just about the coolest thing in the world, that's why!

"_ARE YOU GOING TO CAST A SPELL? CAUSE THAT'D BE REALLY GOOD! AND I WOULD BE VERY QUIET AND NOT INTERRUPT!_" I said, full of excitement, "_IS IT GOING TO BE A POWERFUL SPELL? I KNOW TO BE QUIET DURING A POWERFUL SPELL! AND ALSO, I –CAN- BE QUIET DURING A POWERFUL SPELL!_"

And then New Harry stared at me like he did when he first woke up.

"Right. Um, this will just shrink your clothes. Hold still."

So guess what? 

I held perfectly still like a statue, _that's_ what! 

And I thought that I was going to pay really close attention to the spell, but then I was thinking about that so hard, I missed the spell.

And New Harry wouldn't repeat it. Not even when I asked him very sweetly.

And so we walked. And there was lots of things. And they were called, trees and animals and flowers and paths and things that stinky Harry wouldn't tell me the names to.

I don't think I like stinky New Harry.

Not one stinky bit.

And this strange new day was not fun. And I wished right then that I had woken up in my nice safe bed and not this stupid, stinky camping trip.

As soon as I had my clothes back to a me-shape, stinky Harry dragged me through the forest and was muttering things to me the whole time.

Except it was too mean and quiet for me to hear, so I'm not sure who that guy was talking to!

Except I just remembered something!

You don't even know about that Hogwarts!

So, I will tell you about Hogwarts.

Hogwarts is the biggest and bestest and most wonderfulest place in the entire wide world. Father works there and likes talking about the Slytherins and the Mr. Severus. And also, their wonderful fluffery settees.

I had never been inside Hogwarts, precisely, but boy has he babbled about it!

Stinky Harry wasn't all that excited with it, though.

I could tell because he just kept making that "ugh" noise when I pointed things out. Like, the biggest lawn in the world. Even bigger then the lawn at Drier Carp.

And when I showed him the biggest door in the world.

He laughed a bit when I pointed out the biggest man in the world. 

But I didn't want to meet that man.

He would try and eat me.

Because that's what the biggest people in the whole world do, of course!

Stinky Harry stomped through the grass holding my hand angry, and I started tripping on my feet because he was going way too quick-speedy!

I told him to slow it down, just a teeny bit, and he wouldn't.

So now I really and _truly_ don't like that stinky old Harry.

We walked in the biggest doors in the world, and he dragged me past the stone walls and the red rug, and really super tall stairways, and a late 1500's painting by Miliano De'Vinatee.

Lots of almost adults, practically, watched stinky Harry and me, but no one came up and introduced themselves properly. Which was kind of rude, I think.

Stinky Harry lead me up the stairs, and we kept going and going until we finally stopped in front of a very big picture that was stuck on the wall.

It was of a large lady in a long, pink dress.

And I have to say that I was quite flabbergasted.

"You wait here." Stinky Harry said, very crabby, and he finally let go of my poor old arm, who did nothing to stinky Harry.

"All alone?" I asked, because that is something that I actually do not enjoy being.

"I don't trust you in there, in any form,"

And so, guess what?

I don't think stinky Harry likes me, either.

And then he whispered something to the picture, and it popped right open. And then he went inside.

And I waited outside.

And, for the third time that day I had to wonder what the heck was going on.

I waited for along time.

And my feet started to get itchy. And then my arms started to feel heavy. And then, I got ants in my pants.

And that's how come I decided waiting up there was boring. 

And that is also how come I left that stupid little hallway and went exploring.

I walked quietly for a long time. Forever, practically.

And then something stopped me. And its name was Mr. Severus!

"_HURRAY!_" I was very happy. "_HELLO MR. SEVERUS! IT'S ME!_"

I rushed over very speedy-quick. And I looked up at that tall man. But then Mr. Severus reminded me of stinky Harry, because he looked flabbergasted. I lifted my arms at that guy, but guess what? He didn't even pick me up! 

And so, I thought I should remind that guy who I was!

"Hello! It's me! Draco Malfoy!" I said, very loud so he would not miss-hear me.

"Draco?" Mr. Severus repeated, very astounded. "What happened?"

"Um, I'm not quite sure what you mean, but I think I'm on a camping trip." I said. "Except I don't want to go back in the forest! I didn't like stinky Harry not one little bit! So can I just stay here?"

Mr. Severus didn't say anything for a very long time.

I thought he might have fallen asleep. So I grabbed the bottom of his cloak. And I tugged it a lot.

"Mr. Severus?"

"Come with me." He said, full of stiffy formal. Don't be worried, though. That is what Mr. Severus is like all the time, practically.

I followed very happy, because now I was away from stinky Harry!

Which is hurray, of course!

****

a.n: rollin, rollin, rollin … 


	2. And with Mr Severus

.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Just so you know, Mr. Severus has the very neatest room in the whole entire world.  
  
He has a whole jar of gooey, squishy eyeballs on his desk, except he told me they were really yummy candy!  
  
And also, I stuck one right in my mouth.  
  
And then he gave me a talk. And its name was, 'How did you get to Hogwarts, Draco?'  
  
And so I told him.  
  
"I waked up in the forest on a camping trip. Except then, I found out it was a stinky camping trip. And then I met stinky Harry, but he was just new Harry then. And then he was mean. And he wouldn't share his mushrooms! And also, he wore funny glasses. And then he cast a spell! And it shrunk my clothes! And then we came here. And then he left me in a stinky hallway. And then I saw you! The end." I put my hands proper on my lap.  
  
He nodded, but I have a suspicion that he wasn't saying yes in his head. I suspicion he was saying, 'Repeat that, please?'  
  
He did not ask, so I did not say.  
  
Because that is the rule.  
  
Just then, he grabbed my hand much nicer then stinky Harry and put my feet in another room. And it was named 'Private Office.'  
  
And he said, "Stay here, Draco. I mean it. Wait for me to come back. Stay –here-."  
  
And I think that guy meant it. So I nodded.  
  
And he left, but Private Office was a lot more funner then that hallway.   
  
There was a chair! And its name was wiggly chair!  
  
I jumped right up on that guy!  
  
And I spun and spun and spun!  
  
And I couldn't see anything because I was going to fast! So I yelled to anyone who might be out there, of course.  
  
"LOOK AT ME! I'M SPINNING! AND I'M NOT EVEN GETTING YELLED AT! LOOK AT ME!"   
  
I spun for about three or four hours, I believe.  
  
And that's when a thought occurred to me.  
  
'Occurred' means my brain found a thought that it didn't notice before.  
  
And that was named, 'I wonder where mother and father is.'  
  
"Hmmm." I said. Because that is the sound of your brain working.  
  
And so then, I stopped pushing. But I was still spinning. And so, I slowed.  
  
This was a very puzzling question, you see.  
  
Because father said that I would have to get some something before he took me to Hogwarts, and that was named self-control. And mother doesn't usually like to take me anywhere under the sun.  
  
Or out of under the sky.  
  
She doesn't like me very much, I'd say.  
  
And also, I do not think I have quite mastered the self-control issue.  
  
So it was puzzling!  
  
But I didn't puzzle about it for long because then Mr. Severus came back! And there was an old man with him!   
  
And that was very flabbergasting.  
  
"This is Headmaster Dumbledore." Mr. Severus introduced very courteous. The old man had a beard as long as three doors. And also, a footstool.   
  
"Hello, Draco." Mr. Headmaster Dumbledore said.  
  
"Yeah, except my father told me things about you! And only two of them were nice!" I said, crossing my arms huffy. Because my father -had- told me things about him.  
  
But that crazy old guy just smiled! I think he is a bit batty. "That's better then I expected. Draco, I need to ask you some questions."  
  
"But do I need to answer them?" I asked, full of suspicion.  
  
Mr. Headmaster Dumbledore started to say something, but Mr. Severus just jumped right in!  
  
"Yes, you do." He said, very stern still. I think that poor old guy is turning crabby like my father.  
  
"Okay." I said quietly, because that usually makes people not mad anymore, don't you know!  
  
"What happened when you woke up this morning?"  
  
I sighed, because I was getting bored of repeating this dumb old story, that's why!  
  
I did it anyways, because Mr. Severus was giving me a frowny look.  
  
"What Happened When I Woke Up This Morning." I introducted. "I waked up in the forest on a camping trip. Except then, I found out it was a stinky camping trip. Because I know those tricky things, and I've got lost five times. Except now it's six. And then I met stinky Harry, but he was simple new Harry then. And then he was the meanest. And he was hogging all those mushrooms! And also, he put on funny glasses. And then he cast a powerfulest spell! And it shrunk my clothes right up! And then we came here. And then he left me in a stinky hallway. And then I saw Mr. Severus. And then I ate an eyeball. The end."   
  
And Mr. Headmaster Dumbledore nodded very wise when I said, 'The end.'  
  
'Wise' means that he thinks he's intelligenter then I am. Dumb Mr. Headmaster Dumbledore.  
  
"Well, I think you should wait in here for a moment, Draco." Mr. Headmaster Dumbledore said, and stoled Mr. Severus right from the room.  
  
And then it got quiet in there.  
  
And I kicked my feet in the air.  
  
And I looked at that boring old ceiling.  
  
And I waited for the rest of my life, just about.  
  
And then, before I could start spinning again, the door opened. Only, it was a different door. And it was not Mr. Severus or Mr. Headmaster Dumbledore.  
  
It was stinky Harry.   
  
And he was holding a map. Just like the kind of map I need so I won't get lost, I'd say.  
  
And there were two other people I did not know. One of them was a boy. And his head was on fire, practically. And the other one was a girl. And her hair was bigger then the entire ocean.   
  
I wasn't so sure I liked this arrangement all so well.  
  
"Hey, Draco, I thought I told you to stay in the hallway!" Stinky Harry said, full of mad.  
  
"Yeah, only it was boring in that stupid hallway!" I informed him.  
  
"Holy—I thought you were pulling our legs, Harry!" Said the boy with his head on fire.  
  
"Well, we should take him to go see Dumbledore!" Said the girl.  
  
"Yeah! Except I already saw that dumb guy." I said.  
  
They all turned flabbergasted. "When did you do that?" The boy asked.  
  
"Just two seconds ago, practically." I said. "But I'm not going to answer anything else, because I don't know who any of you batty people are! Except stinky Harry."  
  
I crossed my arms assuredly.   
  
'Assuredly' means don't mess with me, mister!  
  
"I'm Ron, and this is Hermione." New Ron said. "How in the world did you get here?"  
  
And I did a huff at that guy. Because that story was getting very old, that's why!  
  
But I thought I should probably tell him because Mr. Severus could be watching through holes in the wall.  
  
And then I would be in trouble.  
  
So I did.  
  
And guess what!  
  
And they all blinked at the exact same time! That's what!  
  
And it was very silly, I'll tell you!  
  
"What did Dumbledore say?" New Hemmionwniezak said after I was finished. Because I can't even think her name precisely.  
  
I shrugged one shoulder up and down. "He's in there."  
  
I stuck my finger at the door.  
  
And guess what happened then?  
  
The door opened, that's what!  
  
And Mr. Headmaster Dumbledore walked right out. And then he smiled at stinky Harry and Ron and Hemmionwniezak.   
  
"Ah, just the people I was looking for."  
  
Except I think that guy was lying. Because he didn't look anywhere but that office!  
  
But oh well, because I didn't say anything.  
  
Because Mr. Severus came and ushered me out.  
  
'Ushered' means come this way young man and no dillydallying!  
  
And so I did.  
  
But not before I heard that Mr. Headmaster Dumbledore say, "I see you noticed our little problem."  
  
And that made me frown.  
  
Because I am always a little problem, that's why!  
  
"How come Mr. Headmaster Dumbledore wants to talk to stinky Harry?" I asked very curious.  
  
"Because he thinks that . . . Harry might know something." Mr. Severus said veeeeeeerrrrrrrrryyy sllllloooowwwwwlllyyyy.   
  
So guess what?  
  
I think Mr. Severus forgotted stinky Harry's name for a moment.  
  
And that's the end.  
  
Well, practically.  
  
Because then I got another gooey eyeball.  
  
And it was yum.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
a.n: this was supposed to be longer, but i really wanted to get this chapter to get up before school. i don't care if it's a couple fic. whatever the readers want. so you should probably review and tell me what you want. ^__^ 


	3. Spying and Pook

..

I am a spy.

Actually, I am the most best spy in the world.

I have had years and years of practice.

For example, once when father was off doing the most important stuff in the whole world, I sneaky-hid behind his fluffery-downy chair. And I waited there super quiet.

And then, when he sat down I jumped out and yelled, _"SURPRISE!"_ In the loudest voice in the whole world, probably.

And I banged my pans.

And father jumped right into the air, I tell you! And he also screamed like a little girl. But I am not to tell anyone that.

I am not allowed to do that anymore, actually.

He gave me thirteen good hitters.

And also, he confiscated my pans.

__

'Confiscated' means he put in the smallest, secret room in the 16th sitting room.

Only, that's a secret. So _SHHH!_

It comes in handy being the bestest spy in the world.

For instance, I was in a big pot. And it was named cauldron.

And I knew exactly what to do when Mr. Severus went looking for me!

I quick made my breathing invisible. But actually, some giggles escaped when he walked by.

And he looked at me. But then he couldn't find me.

So Mr. Severus is a sucker, I think.

But then he walked back to his desk. And I was left in the pot.

And so I quick peeked over the rim. And I saw something full of interest for me.

__

'Interest' means concern and importance.

And it was named, Private Office's door was opened a teeny tiny crack!

And know what else?

Stinky Harry and Mr. Headmaster Dumbledore and New Ron and Hemmionwniezak were still in there, that's what else.

And they were discussing things. 

See? I was the best spy in the world, I could move over there with out anyone even noticing! Not even that Santa Claus guy.

My feet are absolutely silent.

I love those guys.

I crawled right to that door. 

And I did some spying.

And it went like this:

Mr. Headmaster Dumbledore was being very boring, "Blah, blah, blah. I am boring." He said.

And then stinky Harry said, "Blah, blah, blah. I am mean."

And then new Ron said, "Are you sure that Draco has what you need?"

And that caught my attention speedy-quick! 

Because when people talk about me, it is the most interesting subject!

"I am quite sure." Mr. Headmaster Dumbledore said. "And I think that you are the best to get it from him,"

"Hmm." I said. But only in my head. Because I was spying, of course!

So that Mr. Headmaster Dumbledore wanted something. Something that I had. Well, if he wanted my Pook he could just forget it!

Pook is only the bestest dog in the whole wide world!

And it would make sense to want him.

But I wasn't letting a stupid old mad have Pook.

"But he doesn't even like us!" Stinky Harry said, _rudely_ continuing with his talking even though I was still thinking.

"He doesn't like _you_. Because you dragged him through the forest and left him alone in the hall." New Hemmionwniezak said.

I think I might like that guy.

"What? Are you defending him?" Stinky Harry asked, full of mean. "Look, I was in a really bad mood. Malfoy and I had just gotten in a fight, and we spent the night in freezing weather, worried about getting eaten alive, I was just stressed."

"But he really is just a four year-old child now." New Hemmionwniezak said. And I frowned. And I wanted to say, 'Almost five!' But then I remember I was spying.

Just then, something took my attention away.

And it was named: tapping feet.

And then I did a gulp.

Because tapping feet are not happy feet, in case you don't know.

They are mad feet.

And guess who the feet belonged to?

Mr. Severus!

So it was a big PHEW!

Because Mr. Severus is not a hitter, of course!

He is just a frowner.

And he was being very frowner at me.

"What are you doing?" He asked. And I think he had ice cubes in his throat.

"Hmmm." I said and my brain worked. "I am simply . . . cleaning the floor!"

I smiled big, because that was the best reason I ever came up with, that's why!

I wiped it with my hand. "Good news. It's clean."

He moved his eyes to the ceiling. Cept I don't even no why, cause nothing was up there.

I checked.

Mr. Severus ushered me to his desk.

And he put me on it.

And he stared me eyeballs to eyeballs.

And he said, "What do you think you're doing, listening in on other people's business?"

And so I straightened my back like a line. And I smoothed my hair. And I put my hands in my lap. And I also cleared my throat.

"What I think I am doing, Listenin' in on other people's busy-ness. By Draco Malfoy." That is called a hook, I believe. I took a deep breath. "I was in a pot. And then I saw a door. And I knew that people were talking inside there. And I wanted to see what they were saying. So I went right over there. And then they were talking about me! And if that's not my busy-ness, then I'd like to know what is! Because that old man wants Pook! But He can't have him, he's mine!"

And we were still eyeballs to eyeballs. And he was still kind of frowner.

"The end."

He shook his head. "It is not your business until you are invited into it."

"Well then how did business even start up in the first place? That's what I'd like to know."

Mr. Severus sighed very big. And he closed his eyes. And he didn't come out for a long time.

And so, I tugged on his cloak again.

"Mr. Severus?" I asked.

Guess what I just discovered then?

Mr. Severus has black eyes, that's what!

I'm not even lying.

I even asked him.

And he said I was correct.

He said that black eyes are 'rare.' Like my eyes are.

__

'Rare' means that people stare at you funny.

And since we are both so rare, I think that is why we are pals, actually.

But I have a suspicion that black eyes are rarest over gray. But that is just me.

And then those guys came out of Private Office.

And everyone single guy in that room stared at me.

And I felt very squirmy. "Hey! What the heck is wrong with you guys?"

"Sorry." Stinky Harry 'pologized.

But I still don't even trust that guy. 

****

a.n: i've decided that this will probably end up slash. just to give you the heads up …


	4. Reading and a Glass Horse

.

Oh oh ohoh _ohohoh_ oh!

So many things to tell about!

Okay, first off: New Ron is a ka-_tilllion-MILLION_ times better then stinky Harry! So, hurray for me! And so, I am going to be full of courteous and polite and put my best feet forward. That means making sure your feet don't stink and changing your socks.

Second off: Hemminkake is a one strange cookie.

Third off: My shoes don't even have buckles! They have big-kid strings! Except, guess what? I don't even know how to tie those guys. And that is P.U.

Ten off: P.U. means stinky as the day, of course!

Four-Eight off: We had the longest walk around the school. It took approx-mentally two days!

Twenty-fourteen off: These crazy guys are Gryffindors! And do you know what that means? It means they are called mindless!

Except I looked in new Ron's ear. And I did not see mindless. All _I_ saw was a bunch of yucky ear-goop. 

So I'm not exactly sure was father was talking about there. I have to talk to him about that one.

Oh, yeah, new Ron gave me something after I checked his ear-goop! And it was named: a talk. And A Talk was named: 'Do Not Listen To Everything Your Father Tells You.'

And I listened very courteous and polite.

I will give you some highlights. 'Sometimes Your Parents Are Wrong.', 'You Have A Mind Of Your Own.', 'Don't Insult People.', 'What Do You Want?', 'Not Now, I'm Talking.', 'Not Now, Hermione!' 

Only, guess what?

I don't know how that guy says that crazy girl's name!

And also, I don't think that guy knows what he's talkin about. Cause I never listen to everything father tells me, practically.

Sometimes, I distinctly do the exact opposite of what he says!

Distinctly means, I can see you hiding under that bed young man!

Except that crazy Hemminkake said that distinctly means noticeably or conspicuously. And some other stuff that was only: "Blah, blah, blah, blah." so don't feel bad cause you missed it.

And then new Ron said, "Come on Hermione, we don't _care_." And she got quiet! New Ron knows what's what. And, also, I agreed.

And that is when we went to the lady in the long dress on the wall.

And she looked at me.

And guess what?

She did a snubber!

__

'Snubber' is when you are RUDE, of course! 

The rule to snubber is to frown, and then look up in the air. 

That means, You make me unhappy, I'm going to look at a bird!

Only, new Ron whispered something to her and she popped right open. And they all climbed right in. Only, I didn't. Because stinky Harry didn't want me in there, I remembered very distinctly. And since new Ron and stinky Harry were friends, he would agree, most likely.

And then it closed.

And I waited out in the hall. _Very_ polite. 

Only, then guess what!

New Ron poked his head out!

And he said; "Malfoy? Are you coming in?"

"Really?" I asked, topped with happy! "Yes-please-thankyou!"

So then guess what? I showed my tongue to stinky Harry. Very UN-polite.

Because that means, Ha! I got to get in the room anyways!

"Are you sure we should be bringing M-that guy so close to all our stuff, Hermione?" New Ron was asking. He sat down on a comfy fluffery chair.

"Dumbledore said it was okay." She said and lifted her shoulders up and down. She sat down on a fluffery comfy chair, too.

"Who are you talking about?" I asked, very polite waiting for someone to offer me a seat. Because that is rule of course!

"A guy we know." Stinky Harry said. I wish that stinky Harry was sitting on a pile of poo, but he was sitting on a fluffery chair, too.

"Oh." I said.

And then I made a discovery!

There was a big missing part of my pants! Right in the leg! And I could stick my finger right in!

This had never happened before!

Only too bad for me. Because then I saw something else.

And it was called, A Big Cut In My Leg!

Only _really_ too bad for me, because I didn't even know I was supposed to be in pain until I saw that stupid thing!

I frowned very big.

But I was supposed to be courteous and polite.

So I would wait until they asked.

Except that stupid Hemminkake kept blah-ing!

And nobody invited me a seat.

And then that is also when I noticed that I was full of hungry.

And I was starting to think that today was not my day, actually.

"We're each excused two classes a day to stay with him in here. We're not supposed to let anyone know about this." She said, sounding very stiffy formal. 

"I never thought I'd be happy to spend almost all day with Malfoy!" Said new Ron. 

And so guess what?

I think my heart hurt a little bit.

But only nobody noticed.

"But, since today is Sunday, I guess we'll just go get something to eat, and bring it back."

"Why can't we call the house elves up?" new Ron asked, full of reasonable.

"No one means no one, Ron." She said. "I'm not sure McGonagall knows about this."

"_I KNOW HER!_" I said, and they all looked over, and I remember to be polite and courteous, even if new Ron thought I was P.U. I made my voice a ten inch voice. "She is a 'Cranky Old Cow,' right?"

And then they all gave me the exact same look.

And I believe it is named disgust.

__

'Disgust' means, I don't think I like you very much. You are stinky.

Hemminkake moved her eyes in the air to see a bird and made a whistling sound. I guess that crazy guy wanted to sound like a bird, too. "What a rude child." She said.

"Except I am _not_!" I said, very hurt in the heart, if you want to know! "_I_ am _courteous_ and _polite_! And I am actually _waiting_, but you are not even inviting me to have a seat! And I _told_ you the stinky Harry story! And I told that _three_ times! And I have a big cut in my leg! And I don't even _know_ what that cranky cow looks like! And all I want is breakfast."

And that's when I put my hands on my face.

And I was very miserable down there.

Miserable means down in the dumps.

"You have a cut on your leg?" That Hemminkake asked, and I poked out of my hands. And she was right there!

"I am not a liar, _either!_" I said very assuredly.

"Okay," She said, and examined my cut.

Examined means look really hard with your eyeballs until you see through something. I have not been able to do this, actually, but I know it can happen. I saw that crazy guy Superman do it.

"Oh, that looks pretty bad. I'm going to get Madame Pomfrey. One of you go get the food." And then she bustled right out of there.

'_Bustled'_ means she accidentally knocked over the stool and said, "Ow."

Stinky Harry and new Ron stared at each other for a very long time. And it was awkward again.

"Fine!" New Ron said very abrupt and stinky Harry smiled very happy. And then he left.

So guess what!

They must've been talking with their brains, that's what!

And new Ron stared at me. And I stared right back at that guy.

And then I moved my leg very fidgety.

"So, what do you want to do?" New Ron asked me.

Except I didn't know. So I just moved one shoulder up and down.

"Know how to play chess?"

"No." I said. "Father said he will teach me when his schedule clears up. Except, I think he might be lying, because that was like, four hundred years ago. And also, I am not allowed to touch the glass objects. They are fragile. _Fragile_ means stupid and too thin anyway."

"You have a chess-set made of _glass_?" He asked.

"Yep. There's glass queens and a glass king and also, a glass horse! Except I don't like those queens. They give me bad looks. I would like to play with the black horse, though." I said. "And also, we have some brooms made of that stuff."

"I'll bet you fly a lot," New Ron said, and he looked sad. I bet he wanted to play with that horse, too.

"Nope. Father's brooms are classic. Classic means the same thing as glass actually." I informed him. "And also, the collection of classic toys."

"What do you do at home?" He asked, actually looking a little disgusted.

"Sometimes I read." I told him. "And sometimes I go into the yard. That is called getting out of mother's hair. Except I don't even think that makes any sense."

"You can read?"

"Yep!" I said, very happy, actually! "If you want, I can show you how!"

"No, thanks, I already know how." He said. "Do you want to learn how to play chess?"

"My _father's_ going to teach me that!" I said. I guess that guy forgot.

"Oh. Okay." He was very quiet for a moment or two. "I don't have any children books or anything."

"That's okay. Neither does Father." I told him.

And then that guy left.

And I was all alone.

And I shuffled.

And I wondered about Hemminkake and stinky Harry. 

And I thought about that glass horse.

And also, why do we have toes? And also, eyebrows.

And then new Ron came back! And he had a book! And it was named: Magical Creatures

"I hope you can sit through this," He said. "We're supposed to be studying it, but I don't think you have to worry about that anymore."

"What?" I asked, because sometimes big people make no sense, that's why!

"Nothing." He said. And he sat down on the fluffery couch. "Do you want to read it?"

"Okay." I said. And I waited.

"Are you going to take a seat?" New Ron asked.

"Thankyou." I said quick and jumped right next to that guy!

"Okay, I stopped at Dragons." He said, and moved the book down so I could see it too! And that is very courteous, I think.

"Dragons are actually my favorite!" I said, very happy, and I looked up and new Ron.

And I did a gasp! Because that guy was doing something very in'propriate! In'propriate means stop it right now!

And it was named, making a face!

"Stop!" I said very serious!

"Why?" He looked very flabbergasted, but he made that face again!

"You'll get smacked! You're being in'propriate!"

"What?" He asked.

"That is what happens when you are in'propriate!" I said, and he made that face again! "No!" I said, that guy didn't know what was going to happen! 

I quick pushed put hands on his mouth! 

Because then it would be hidden. Except, my hands were a bit too tiny, and so I had to spread them apart.

"Maph-oy camm doone, moph yer hands!" He said. Only I couldn't hear what he was saying because my hands were in the way, of course!

"What? I can't hear you!" I said to that guy. "I'll move my hands. No in'propriate business!" I gave him a very important look.

"Malfoy, calm down. Nothing's going to happen. What are you afraid of?" He said, very suspicion.

"You'll get hit! You will, you will!"

"No, I won't." He said, very nice. "Why would I get hit for making a funny face?"

"Because! It's _in'propriate_!" I said, very crystal clear! New Ron must be new to this game! Because I have happened to say what's what three times now!

He looked very flabbergasted. "Who would hit me?"

This guy was crazy! "Your _FATHER_ of course! Or my father. _Someones_ father." I grew very depressed. Because that is serious, remember! "Those types are actually really sneaky."

"Do mean like a spanking?"

"No! I mean exactly what I said! You will get hit in the _head_, or in the _back_, or in the _tummy_! Or even in the back of the knee. Except I don't even know what place is called. So too bad for me."

Right then, his face went pooped. So I told him. 

I said, "Do you need a nap? Because you actually look pooped."

"No, I'm fine. No one's going to hit me or you, okay?"

"Only if we don't act in'propriate!"

"No, even if we do."

So I patted his hand very full nice, and also, humoring. Humoring means, you're crazy, but I'll be nice to you anyway.

And I got off his lap.

And I said, "Okay, new Ron."

And I think that conversation was hitting a brick wall, just like the one with stinky Harry.

And, also, I think that guy is a tad hardheaded.

And I wonder what was taking stinky Harry and Hemminkake the longest time.

****

a.n: too bad for me … i decided to hate abusive!lucius after writing this … but it's too late. le sigh.


	5. Patsy!

.

So, guess what?

I believe new Ron's hand is about as big as a chair, that's what!

I put my hand right up to is, and he could make it hide all the way entirely! Even when his hand was a fist!

And also, that silly book is very stupid and boring.

There wasn't even any pictures or any super loud pages or anything.

The end.

Except, not quite.

Because new Ron looked tired of that stupid book too. I knew that because he closed the book.

And then he said, "This book is boring."

That kind of tipped me off, actually.

"What's taking them so long?" asked new Ron after he closed that silly book.

I did a shrug. "Maybe they got lost. Because this place is kind of really big."

"I … doubt it," new Ron said. "Look, you stay right here. I'm going to go see what's taking them so long, okay?"

"No!" I said speedy-quick! "I don't want to be alone!"

"I'll be right back," new Ron said. But I don't even think he cared because he didn't even look at me and he kept on going and I had to lean over and put my hand to my ear to hear what he said.

And I was getting tired of this stupid waiting all over the place!

But only too bad for me.

Because that guy was long gone.

I did a huff and a sigh.

Everyone kept on leaving me places!

And I don't even know why, because I happen to be brilliant company.

I went over to a chair that was in front of a chessboard.

And I saw some chess horses! Only these ones were wood, and they didn't have any back legs! Only front! And they kicked when they saw me!

And I think I love those guys!

So I grabbed them quick as lightening!

Only that's when I did an Oops.

__

'Oops' is when you kind of accidentally knock some other chess pieces into the fire with your stupid elbow.

Except they were just the stiffy formal ones, so they don't even matter, practically.

And if you move the other pieces real careful, then new Ron might not notice!

The horses were jumping over the couch and running on the walls and bouncing in the pillows and fighting each other. I decided that they were called Kazzkade and Ryzhii and Intuet and John.

Except that's when a second Oops happened.

Only this one was called Kazzkade and Ryzhii and Intuet and John accidentally got dropped into the fire cause I wanted to know if they were fireproof.

But they weren't, so don't worry about that.

And that's when things got quiet in that room.

A little too quiet if you ask me.

And those crazy people were taking way too long!

So they must be lost. And it was up to me to find them, of course!

So I walked right out of that stupid room.

And I walked up some stairs and down some stairs.

Mostly down, though.

And I poked my head in some doors. And I saw out a window. Only I had to step on the tips of my toes to see that.

And I saw a cat. And I saw a spider. And I saw eighty thousand ghouls.

There was some students, and they gave me something called flabbergasted looks. I think they have never seen a hole in some pants. 

And I walked right into a very large room with lots of doors.

And guess who I saw standing _RIGHT THERE?_

It was Patsy Parkinson, that's who!

And I ran right up to that guy!

Cause that girl just happens to be someone I know!

And I've spotted her at social functions.

Social functions are when everyone gets stupid stiffy formal and tells each other things that are actually not true.

And also, I have to sit and entertain the children.

Only too bad she has a stupid sister that is called Pansy. 

Pansy is loud and head butts people.

And she always wants the last of the biscuit. 

Only, that is a problem because I want it too!

Stupid Pansy. But that girl didn't seem to be around.

"Hello!" I yelled very big, jumping so she would see my hand, of course! "Hello Patsy! Hello!"

"Draco?" She asked, very flabbergasted.

And then another person yelled that very same thing! And it was new Ron!

"Draco!" He yelled. But it wasn't really the happy kind of Draco. It was the very angry, somebody was in trouble Draco. "I told you to wait for me! I told you to stay put!"

"But this crazy place is so big. I thought you got lost. Cause you were gone for forever, practically." I said very small.

"What is going on here, Weasley?" Patsy said very scary. I wasn't so sure if I liked that guy at the moment. But then she bent right down and picked me up! So she was A-O.K. in my books, actually. "What did you do to Draco?"

"I didn't do anything! The idiot did it to himself!"

"Hey!" I said very big. Because that is not a very courteous thing to say. Only too bad for me, because that new Ron and Patsy kept on being angry-loud.

"Did he do anything bad to you?" Patsy asked me.

"Nope." I said. And a question popped right out my mouth! And it was called, "You know new Ron?"

"Yes, I do." She said. Her voice was full of bad thoughts. "Why hasn't this been fixed yet? I'll bet you have even told a professor. What, were you planning on torturing him, or some other equally stupid Gryffindor trick?"

I did a gasp! Because I have heard that torture is all that fun, actually!

"Dumbledore told _us_." New Ron said. Cept his words had a hard time getting out of his mouth cause his teeth were all squished together. "Hand him over."

"I don't think so, Weasley." Pasty said. "We'll just see what Snape has to say about this."

"He already knows about it!" New Ron called. Only I don't think Patsy heard that guy cause we were already heading for the place where Mr. Severus's coolest room was.

Other people call Mr. Severus, Snape.

I do not know why. I think it might be a code.

"How did you get here Draco?" Patsy asked.

I did a big sigh! Because this story was making my tongue pooped! I dropped right on that guy's shoulder.

Patsy did a laugh.

"Alright, you don't have to tell me."

And then guess what?

New Ron popped right out of nowhere, that's what!

And he said, "Malfoy was out in the forest with Harry and he ate some poison mushrooms and this happened. Harry brought him back here and Dumbledore said to watch him until he prepared … something, and it's -supposed- to be a secret. So, just give him over."

I thought he was going to pop away after he said that, but he did not.

"Well, splendid job you did." Patsy said, stiffy-formal.

"I told him to stay put!" said new Ron.

"He's … how hold are you, Draco?"

"Almost five." I said very sacred. Sacred means you can't spit or play with your fingers.

"He's almost five; you have to _watch him_, you daft Weasel." said Patsy and then we walked right into Mr. Severus's coolest room.

New Ron didn't look very happy.

It occurred to me that he might be missing Kazzkade and Ryzhii and Intuet and John.

So I decided to cheer him up, of course!

"It's okay new Ron. You can get some new horses."

"What?" said new Ron. Then he wore a flabbergasted look if I ever saw one.

But then my brain got too busy to answer that question!

Because then I made a discovery!

And it was named, Hey! That crazy stinky Harry and Hemmeinakasa are right Mr. Severus's coolest room!

And they stared right at us.

But I'm not sure if they were flabbergasted.

I think they might just have been surprised.

"Hey! They're right in here! You don't havta look anymore!" I told new Ron.

"I see that," new Ron said. But that guy didn't look happy. "What are you doing?"

Except they didn't even answer. Cause they were too busy looking at Patsy, I guess.

"Something came up-- things have changed." Hemmeinakasa said. She was full of 'I'M IMPORTANT!'

"We're going to have to do … it now." Stinky Harry added. He stared at Patsy super hard then.

"_What_ is going on?" Patsy asked. She did not look very pleased at all.

"I think we might be going camping." I informed her very courteous.

But she did not look like she believed me exactly.

Patsy had to move me around so she could keep holding me up.

And she made a funny face when she did that.

And that is all.

****

a.n: yes... so... please tell me what you think of this story! ^__^


	6. Stinky Mr Severus

.  
  
  
  
I have some of the most _bestest_ news!  
  
And it was actually Mr. Severus who told me!   
  
It is just so wonderful! It is something that brightened up my day, actually!  
  
And it went like this.  
  
First, Mr. Severus said, "Someone" then he said, "has informed" and then the best part! "Mr. Malfoy of our situation. He's coming out to see his son immediately."   
  
And then I was filled with glee! Glee is when you jump and laugh and clap. And, also, smile a whole lot.  
  
"_HURRAY_!" I hollered, full of happy! "He's coming! Just to see _ME!_ Hurray! Isn't that hurray, Patsy?"  
  
"Oh, of course." Patsy said. And then she nodded.  
  
"Father's coming! New Ron, you can meet him!"  
  
Everyone got quiet for a second. But I don't know why.  
  
"This means that we have to take immediate action." Mr. Severus kept on talking!  
  
"Is it even possible to take it without him completely trusting us?" Hemminony asked.  
  
"Already read up on it?" New Ron sounded like there was something funny. Only too bad, because I didn't get that stupid joke.  
  
"It is possible, although it will take some work." Mr. Severus sounded very tired. That guy needed a nap, I think.  
  
And then my stomach made a sound. And it was named, 'Please feed me!'  
  
"Would someone -please- tell me what's going on?" Patsy said. And then she must've thought that I would fall, because she held me a lot closer. She sounded very assured.  
  
Hemminony sighed very big.  
  
But then Mr. Severus popped up. "Miss Parkinson," He said, full of stern. "I regret that you've been dragged into this affair, but I'm afraid I can't tell you anything."  
  
She made the funniest sound I've ever heard of before! "I'll go tell the entire school, right now."  
  
Everyone did a gasp. Because she had to be the craziest to talk to Mr. Severus like that!  
  
And then Patsy did a whirl! And it was lots of fun, and I asked her to do it again!  
  
Only, guess what?  
  
She didn't.  
  
So too bad for me.  
  
"If you take one step out of this classroom, I can assure you --you will regret it." Mr. Severus sounded -very- grumpy.  
  
"Why won't you just tell me? You said you need someone he trusts, and it's obvious he trusts me."  
  
And then everyone in that room looked at each other. And they were quiet. I guess those guys had been talking with their brains, because they all just jumped up and agreed to tell her all about everything!  
  
"There's a problem with Hogwarts defensives." Mr. Severus said.   
  
"You can say _that_ again." Stinky Harry talked right in the middle of Mr. Severus's sentence! I did a frowner at him. But nobody even noticed.  
  
"They need to be reinforced, I don't want to think about what would happen if we continue to let them weaken at the pace they are." Mr. Severus told Stinky Harry with his eyeballs, 'You do that again, Mister, and you're going straight to your room!' And then he started talking again. "The only possible way to do so is to have a willing pure hearted person inside these walls while we strengthen them."  
  
Everyone in that room was quiet for a few seconds.   
  
And I wondered if they fell asleep.  
  
But when I looked, they were awake, so don't worry.  
  
"But why would you need to take something from him?" Patsy asked.  
  
It was actually at that moment that things got dull in that room.  
  
The most dull of _ever_, I'd say.  
  
And all of my earlier predicaments came back to me.  
  
_Predicament_ means that I _still_ haven't eaten, dang it!  
  
And also, I noticed that Patsy had the most beautiful of necklaces in the whole entire world on!  
  
"Well . . . yes. We require the full use of a pure heart." Mr. Severus said.  
  
It was then Patsy's eyes went very big because they were full upset of course!  
  
And I started looking for a spider! Because that's what make people's eyes get full of upset, in case you didn't know.  
  
"You aren't going to _take it from him_?"   
  
Boy oh boy did Patsy sound upset!  
  
I wondered if someone was going to take someone else's spider.  
  
Because I've never heard of someone having a spider as a pet. Except in songs and stories.  
  
I would like a pet spider, in case you wanted to know.  
  
"That's the problem." Hemminony popped up. "In theory, if he trusts someone enough to take it from him, he'll be perfectly fine. If not . . ."  
  
"Then don't try it!" Patsy was talking a bit louder then she needed to. "That would _kill_ him!"  
  
I grabbed at that necklace and it fit right in my hand!  
  
And also, I noticed a latch!  
  
So guess what!  
  
There was something inside, that's what!  
  
"Which is why we need someone he trusts." Mr. Severus said. He was still full of grumpy.  
  
"Or, maybe we could transform one of -them- into a child and take their heart. I'm sure Potter trusts Weasel well enough." Patsy was talking threw her teeth and she looked kind of funny.   
  
But I did not tell her.  
  
Because she also looked kind of very mad.  
  
I tried to get that stupid most beautiful necklace thing open, but it seemed to be stuck on something.  
  
So I concentrated very hard.  
  
'_Concentrated'_ means sticking your tongue out and getting sweaty.  


"But we can't talk about this now!" New Ron popped right up!   
  
"Lucius Malfoy is coming, and he is the more imperative of the two." Mr. Severus said.  
  
"Well, Mr. Malfoy is going to take one look at Draco and fix him, and then you'll -have- to use one of the golden children."  
  
"Miss Parkinson, do you honestly think I would put any of my students in some sort of danger?"  
  
"You said…" Patsy must have forgotten what she was about to say.   
  
Because she stopped right there!  
  
"If the time comes and there's any doubt, I won't allow any harm to befall Mr. Malfoy." Mr. Severus said. And then he looked like he was thinking a whole lot. More then anyone else ever has, I'm pretty sure. "But we must concentrate on hiding Draco from his father."  
  
That grabbed my ear, I'll tell you what!  
  
"But I wanna see him!" I said, full of sad!  
  
"No, Draco." Mr. Severus gave _me_ a look that said, 'No way, and if you keep on talking I'm going to have to kick you!'  
  
I did the meanest frown ever! And then I hid in Patsy's shoulder.  
  
And I was _very_ angry down there!  
  
"I have it!" New Ron said. "One of us can pretend to be Malfoy!"  
  
"Yes, with Ployjuice!" Hemminony said, and she sounded the happiest.  
  
"How do you-- never mind, I don't care to know." _Stinky_ Mr. Severus said.  
  
And my stomach made the loudest of all stomach complains ever! And it was named, 'Feed me now, or I'll eat you!'  
  
And so I whispered super-quiet to Patsy that I was hungry.  
  
Cause the rest of those guys were just stinky.  
  
And that's all.  
  
  
  
**a.n: sorry for the long delay! a new fandom and few new stories have stolen my attention … ;_; but don't worry! this fic has my attention once again! ^___^ **


	7. Ignoring and footstools

.  
  
  
Everybody in the whole entire world is the biggest mean person ever.  
  
And I think they are stinky and mean.  
  
Except for Nice Patsy.  
  
Because she is being full of courteous, actually.  
  
But everyone else is not.  
  
And I bet, my father was going to bring piles and pile of presents and sweets, just for me.  
  
But then he would get here, and I wouldn't be there!  
  
And _then_ that guy would scratch his head and say, "Where's Draco? I brought all these presents and sweets for him!"   
  
And _then_, he would give Stinky _Harry_ all of _my_ presents and sweets.  
  
And _then_ Stinky Harry would play with them. And eat them all up. And tell all of his friends that they were his.  
  
Except they weren't!  
  
And I _hate_ that Stinky Harry _so_ much.  
  
I think I hate him 100.  
  
And that is a lot, in case you didn't know.  
  
But Nice Pasty is not stinky.  
  
She took me into a room that was exactly like the room with the horses and the chess and where Stinky New Ron and Stinky Harry and Stinky Hermity live. Except, not.  
  
Because this one was made from stone! And also, green and silver.  
  
And the couches _were_ so very fluffery!  
  
Nice Patsy put me right on that fluffery guy! And she sat down next to me.  
  
"What's your favorite food, Draco?' Nice Patsy asked, full of nice.  
  
"I like Banana Fritters!" I informed that guy, full of happy. "And Chocolate Frogs. And also, Jumping Dragon Eggs. But I gate those stupid Bernie Beans. Those guys are too tricky for me."  
  
Nice Patsy did not look too happy with my menu.  
  
'_Menu'_ is what they give you when you go somewhere to eat, before Mother yanks it away quick as lightening. Because I am not responsible enough not to play with it.  
  
Only I don't know why, cause I don't even want that stupid thing. The words are too loopy-fancy and frilly-girly.  
  
"I meant actual food, Draco. No sweets."  
  
"But I _like_ sweets!"  
  
"But I don't care. Tell me what you want to eat, or you'll get liver and bratwurst, I swear."  
  
And that is when I did a snubber.  
  
Only, guess what?  
  
But Nice Patsy just ignored me, that's what!  
  
So I told her I actually enjoy the spaghetti meal. Because I do not get to eat that at home. Because it is too sloppy for civilized wizards like Mother and Father.  
  
_'Civilized'_ mean I usually fall asleep in the middle of it.  
  
I hate it once with Stinky Mr. Severus.  
  
And so, I told him he was not civilized.  
  
And that guy just shook his head at me.  
  
So, then, Nice Patsy left me with Stinky New Ron.  
  
I did something that is called _'ignoring'_. That is when you pretend that Stinky New Ron is a footstool.  
  
And when Stinky New Ron asked about my father I didn't tell him a single thing.   
  
In fact, I looked up at the sky.  
  
Because a sky is ten times more fun then a stinky footstool, in case you hadn't heard.  
  
Stinky New Ron did a huff. "Come on, Draco. Why do you want to see your father if he's mean to you?"  
  
"Because, you stinky footstool, he's my _father_!" I am beginning to think that Stinky New Ron is new at almost _every_ game.  
  
"Footstool?" Stinky New Ron said. He sounded full of flabbergasted, so I guess that guy doesn't even know what ignoring means.  
  
But I won't tell him.  
  
Because he is stinky.  
  
And also, footstools do not have ears, so he wouldn't be able to hear me anyway.  
  
Only, that doesn't even matter, practically.  
  
Because that's when something beautiful happened!  
  
And that's named, Nice Patsy came in with my spaghetti meal!  
  
I did a hurray for her and ate that delicious thing right up!  
  
And I didn't even offer Stinky New Ron a single delicious bite.  
  
And I got covered in spaghetti guts. And I was not civilized at all.  
  
And then Stinky New Ron helped me wash up.  
  
_'Wash up'_ is not getting your fingerprints all over the house. And it's not call artwork unless it's in a frame, young man.  
  
So guess what?  
  
That guy is pretty handy for a footstool, that's what!  
  
After a thousand years in that room, Stinky Mr. Severus popped right in.  
  
And then he looked around.  
  
And then he saw me.   
  
And then he moved real close.  
  
And then he dismissed Nice Patsy and Stinky New Ron.  
  
_'Dismissed'_ means 'Get out of here now. You are P.U.'  
  
Except I don't know why Mr. Severus would call Nice Patsy P.U.  
  
Mr. Severus gave me a talk. It was kind of a long one. And so it didn't have a title.  
  
But it went like this: "Draco, we've decided that you can see your father." Stinky Mr. Severus said.  
  
I did a very happy gasp!  
  
And then, I gave that wonderful man a hug!  
  
"That's the best news _ever_!" I told that guy! "Yay! Do you think he'll bring me a present?"  
  
_Not_ stinky Mr. Severus did a serious look. "I wouldn't get my hopes up."  
  
I did a laugh at that crazy guy. "Of course you won't! He wouldn't bring _you_ a present. Unless it's your birthday. Is it your birthday?"  
  
"No, it isn't. But, Draco, there's going to be someone else going to visit your father with you."  
  
"Who? New Ron?" I asked that guy.  
  
"No. There's going to be another boy there, and he's going to be pretending to be you. Do you understand?"  
  
I gave that guy the craziest look. "Why is he going to do that?"  
  
"Because otherwise … you will have to go home from Hogwarts."  
  
"I don't want that! I enjoyed that spaghetti meal very much!"  
  
"I know. But your father is going to believe that the other boy is you. He's going to tell him some things that you might not want to hear, but you have to let him talk. Do you understand me?"  
  
I did a big frown. "Is he going to make fun of me?"  
  
"No, he's not," Mr. Severus thought that was funny, apparently. "He's simply going to talk to your father. Your father is going to call this other boy Draco, and he is going to probably talk to him. Are you sure you still want to go?"  
  
That guy was crazy! I was not going to let Stinky Harry have my piles and piles of sweets and presents!  
  
I nodded very big.  
  
"Alright then." Mr. Severus said.  
  
And then that's when we left that room. And we went down the hall. And we went right into Mr. Severus's room.  
  
And I got another yummy eyeball.  
  
And I sneaky got one for New Ron, too.   
  
Because we were making amends.  
  
_'Amends'_ means not hitting stupid Pansy in the head when she head-butts me in the stomach.  
  
New Ron said the eyeball was very yummy, and I was surprised because that's exactly what I thought, as a matter of fact!  
  
And he asked about the ignoring thing again.  
  
So I told him, "Put the past behind us."  
  
And then we both nodded, full of wise.  
  
But then, something that is stranger then anything else happened.  
  
And that was called, Stinky Harry drank something. And then another person popped right into his skin!  
  
I did the biggest gasp!  
  
And I tugged New Ron's cloak and told him to look, because he might've missed it!  
  
But he didn't, so you don't have to worry.  
  
This new boy was white as a snowflake.  
  
And he had really small feet.  
  
And that is all.  
  
"This is creepy beyond words." That guy said.  
  
And even though I was really happy that Stinky Harry was gone, I was a little flabbergasted  
  
So I tugged at New Ron's cloak. And he bent down.  
  
"Who is that guy?" I asked,   
  
"That's the boy who's going to pretend to be you." New Ron said.   
  
I did a laugh! Cause that boy was a ba-jillion years older than me!  
  
"Father knows how big I am! He'll never fall for this trick!" I told Mr. Severus.   
  
But that guy didn't look very worried about it.  
  
And so I wonder if I look older than I am.  
  
  
  
**a.n: nooooothing to say … besides the fact that, i would jump up and down for reviews. and thank you SOOOOO much, those of you who have reviewed … you are all my muses. and also, i think i'm in love you.**


	8. Suspicious Doll boy

.

I think that Mr Severus is gone completely in the head.  
  
Because that guy thinks that this new, big guy looks exactly like me. Except he doesn't.  
  
Not even at _all_.  
  
But those guys don't even seem to care!  
  
And this plan is going to go down the tubes, I tell you.  
  
_'Down the tubes'_ means flushing Mister Fish down the toilet. Because that guy was asleep _way_ too long, you know.  
  
So I decided to go find out what that new boy was up to.  
  
I gave that guy a suspicious look.  
  
_'Suspicious'_ means almost closing one eye ball, and letting the other one get really big.  
  
And I said, "Hello." I was very assured.  
  
He looked at me and then agreed with what I said. I could tell, because he moved his head up and then down.  
  
"What's your affiliation?" I asked. Don't forget that I was still suspicious!  
  
He looked very flabbergasted. "What?"  
  
"Actually, I'm not exactly sure." I told him. "But that's the most important question."  
  
"Draco, it's still me. Stin-- Harry."  
  
I stared at that boy.   
  
And I lifted my hands in the air. And I said, "This is the _worst_ plan _ever_!"  
  
"I think he might be right, I don't know the first thing about being Malfoy." He said.  
  
"Yes you do. Just act like you have a large stick jammed up your rear, and you're blaming everyone around you for it." New Ron said.  
  
That guy sounded full of help.  
  
But I'm not so sure he was, exactly.  


And guess what!   
  
I found something out!  
  
Stinky Harry is hidden _inside_ this new boy!   
  
So, it's like a suit! So this new boy is kind of like a puppet!   
  
Except, this new boy doesn't look like a puppet.  
  
Because puppets are actually quite terrifying.  
  
So I will call him Suspicious Doll boy!  
  
And that is all.  
  
Mr. Severus and Suspicious Doll boy were talking like this, "Mumble, mumble, mumble. You can't understand what we're saying. Ha ha ha."  
  
But that's when Nice Patsy came back.   
  
She was full of breathless.  
  
And she said, "Lucius is here!"  
  
And that's when I think my heart exploded with happy!  
  
But I don't think anyone else's heart got too happy.   
  
And that's too bad for them.  
  
New Ron snatched my arm and whisked me away.  
  
_'Whisked'_ means run super-crazy fast up stairs.  
  
It is not very much fun, even though it pretends like it is.  
  
I wanted to ask New Ron to slow down, only too bad for me!  
  
Because then everyone just started talking too big!   
  
And I got kind of lost about who was saying what and when and I saw Patsy nails were huge, shiny green.  
  
"Lucius should be coming at any moment."  
  
"Of all the half baked …"  
  
"Maybe Snape should've done it."  
  
"No, Draco, come _this_ way."  
  
"Should we even bring him? He could mess this whole thing up…"  
  
"Draco, stay close and move fast."  
  
"It would seem horribly unrealistic if everything was fine. We need to have _something_ to show him."  
  
And then guess what!  
  
The most _horrible_ thing!  
  
We started _loosing_ people, that's what!   
  
Firstly, Nice Patsy popped away, and thenly, Heminowinning, and then nextly Mr. Severus, and the at the very end, New Ron.  
  
So it was only lonely me and that Suspicious Doll boy.   
  
And we had popped into right in front of the very biggest doors!  
  
You remember those, don't you? It was at the very first part of this very strangest day!  
  
And guess who I saw sitting _RIGHT THERE_?!  
  
It was _my_ father! My _father_! He was just sitting there, and looking around. And also, blinking!  
  
He was _there_!  
  
There is no way to say how much I was happy to see that man.  
  
Except I was happy times a hundred ka-trillion _billion!_  
  
"FATHER!" I hollered.  
  
And I ran right up to that man!  
  
And I hugged his knees. Because that is actually one of the only part of him that I can reach.  
  
Someday, I'll be able to hug his stomach.  
  
That is when I will be working and making money for myself, I believe.  
  
"_GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME TODAY! I WAS IN THE FORES_--"  
  
"Not _now_, Draco."  
  
Oops. That was actually father's 'Not _now_, Draco' voice.  
  
"Now … Draco, how did this happen?"  
  
And I moved my chin way up high so I could see where that guy was looking.  
  
He was looking at that stupid-stinky Suspicious Doll boy!  
  
I made my eyes tiny at that guy.  
  
And I think I hate him.  
  
  
  
. 


	9. Mr King Of MEAN

****

part nine

"Father did you--"

"Draco, be _quiet._" Father was angry times a kill-jillion billion.

I made my voice teeny tiny. "But, I was just wondering if you happened to bring me a present?"

Father pushed his eyeballs towards me. 

I did a smile that has been called "delightful" by critics.

And then I guess he forgot the question. 

"I _do _trust you have some sort of explanation for … this?"

Suspicious Doll boy looked full of tired. "You see father, Potter and I were in the forest--"

"NO!" I said quick-speedy! "NO! _I _was in the forest with Stinky Harry!" I did a gasp, "You are a _liar_!"

Suspicious Doll boy looked at me like I was a flobberworm. A fatty one, too. "Potter, this … child and I were in the forest and--"

"You weren't even _there_ you big fatty liar!"

"_Draco_!" Father was doing a bellow. A 'bellow' is, 'I'M TRYING TO SOUND LIKE AN ELEPHANT!' "Let him finish speaking."

"Thank you." I think Suspicious Doll boy is deeply troubled, actually. Deeply troubled is what makes Gregory wet the bed sometimes. Mother even told me so.

I was huffy quiet and Suspicious Doll boy kept LYING. Like a fatty fat fathead liar. And father couldn't even tell.

So, I think Suspicious Doll boy is going to prison.

"We were in the forest-- you know that ridiculous assignment about being able to using tracking spells-- anyway, it didn't take long before Potter was throwing all these hexes at me. I don't know where he came up with this one, but it went past my defensives and out popped … _that_."

Suspicious Doll boy pointed at me.

And I did another gasp, "Father! Is _that _where babies come from?"

Father touched his "my head hurts" spot. That is his nose. And sometimes, his forehead.

"And what are the plans for … it?"

"Snape seems to have him under control, most of the time. I've seen Potter watching him. You know, as punishment."

Father made a, "I'm sorry" face. "Don't you think that's a little harsh?"

Suspicious Doll boy made a face like a fish!

"What do you mean?" I asked. Because I was actually very confused.

"You are tiring, Draco." Father said, stiffy formal and King of Meanness. "A trouble, a hassle. I'd much rather it if you'd never been … 'popped' into existence. Would've saved me this trip to say one thing."

"Father!" Suspicious Doll boy said, and he was full of, 'I think you just stepped on my toe!'

And that is actually when my heart got cutted up into little isty pieces that got so super tiny that I couldn't even find them.

Not even with a magic glass.

My face went hot and wet and my chin started wiggling like it was going to fall right off!

And then I _zoomed _quick away from there!

And that's because Father's mean face was hurting my heart even more.

And guess what?

Stairs are slippery, that's what.

And that's how come I practically broke my neck!

"Ochie." I said at the bottom of the stairs. Because that is the sound of hurt.

I rubbed my bum, because I landed on that guy when I fell, of course!

And that's actually how come this was the _worst _day of my life.

And that's actually how come I decided that I was just going to stay at the bottom of the stairs forever.

And maybe even just die there.

I was going to have to make the arrangements with New Ron and Mr. Severus.

I quick got into dead-position. That's when your tongue is sticking out of your mouth and your arms are bent funny.

"Draco? What are you doing?" That was actually Nice Patsy.

It is actually very hard to talk when your tongue is sticking out of your mouth because you are dead.

"I am dead." I informed her, full of considerate.

"My goodness!" She sounded full of sad about this development. "What killed you?"

But at that moment, I did not actually feel like sharing. And so I just raised my shoulders up and down.

And then she made a sigh of miserable. "If only I had seen you sooner! I know just the cure for that."

And that's how that woman caught my interest, actually. I peeked one eye open at her.

"Should I just carry your dead body, then?" And that woman picked me right up.

"Where's your father, Draco?" Nice Patsy asked me.

I did not say anything and I tried to make my body hide in her shoulder. Because then no one could see me, that's why! And then I could be all alone by myself.

"I see." Nice Patsy said.

And then, POOF! we were right in Mr. Severus's room.

"What happened? Where's Potter?" Mr. Severus said quick as lightening when he saw us.

"I don't know." Said Nice Pasty. "I found him at the bottom of the stairs-- he's dead, you see."

Mr. Severus looked at me like I was number one important thing on his list. 

I closed my eyes super tight and hid my face into Nice Patsy's shoulder.

Because guess what?

Mr. Severus could not see me like that, that's what!

And that is actually when it got quiet in that room. 

And I guess Nice Pasty and Mr. Severus were talking with their brains again, because the next thing I knew, Mr. Severus was picking me right up from Nice Pasty!

And they didn't even ask me.

And that is called rude, I think, but right then, I didn't even care.

"What happened, Draco?" Mr. Severus asked me, full of nice.

And that was actually the last straw.

And also, when lots and lots of things got into my eyes, so I had to let them water to get them out.

Into Mr. Severus's shoulder.


End file.
